Why are you always smiling and laughing?

   Over the past few months a lot of friends, strangers, people I see everyday have been telling me the same thing. "You are always in a good mood", "You are always smiling", "Why are you always so happy". I respond with "Why not!". I'm in a good mood because there is nothing to be in a bad mood about. I'm always smiling because my soul is filled with joy. I'm happy everyday because I am so appreciative for the people and opportunities in my life. I seriously find so many reasons to smile and be happy down to seeing strangers help each other to the weather being so beautiful.

   Want to know a secret about me? I used to be ashamed to say this but last year and even years before that I was not the happy, cheerful, positive person I am today. As a matter of fact I attempted to end my life several times. Obviously my work here on earth is not done! I used to be so depressed to the point where I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I did not want to hurt anymore and I didn't get the point of living. Why?? We are just gonna die anyway...what's the point? The disappointment I felt waking up in a hospital was shameful. Now if that is not a twisted way of thinking I don't know what is! Imagine living life like that? It seemed as if my world was dark and fuzzy. I drowned myself in alcohol almost every night, dragged through my 9-5 anxiously awaiting to "punch out" to grab another drink to relieve my hangover..ha! Had no real friends or meaningful relationships. And if I did these people where on the same boat with me to sail the sea of misery.

   Year after year it was the same old song and dance. I was so predictable to my family....."I would ask how you're doing Diana but I bet you are hungover, crying over your miserable life or wondering how you were going to eat the next day". That's the image people saw of me. Why, why, why is this happening to me I would think. My mom should of never did that, my boyfriend should of never left me, I'm just not worthy....wah wah wah...a one person pity party. Then my most recent challenge, anxiety with panic attacks. Doctor "Here are some pills have a nice day" said I was looney. Maybe I was (maybe I still am! :)~ )! After all my reasoning for being this way was because of how I was raised right? Poor childhood, no guidance, no love, broken and abusive relationships all around....well the list goes on. So it wasn't the best time of my life growing up. Do I blame that?

   What's awesome folks is the moment I discovered SELF LOVE, I learned to stop blaming myself for all the bad things that happen to me. To be honest since I forgave myself I don't even remember all the bad moments in my life. And the kick to all of this is because of those moments I am who I am today! People dictated my life. I'll never amount to anything because I grew up in a broken home, specialist said that once I was hit with depression I'll always have it, My boss said I'm only worth $15 an hour and on and on with all the negative and poisonous words that would keep feeding that wound of shame, guilt, sorrow, pain. YUCK! All those negative words stripped away of the person I really was. My true self. All the dreams I had growing up was slowing turning into a nightmare. However, I discovered SELF LOVE. I can't stress enough how important this is!

  Let me take you down a mini timeline of what happen with I started to love, respect and enjoy being me. Many if not all of you know my first sentence as a baby was "mommy he's so cute and furry, can I take him home"....ha ha! Ok maybe I added a word or two but animals have always been my passion and I knew I wanted to work with them somehow, some way I just didn't know where to start. "No Diana, that takes years of school and you're not good enough", "You should be this or that".  Today I'm the proud owner of Heart 2 Heart Pet Care! So, to those who told me not to quit my job and I'm being silly with my thoughts of starting my business.....well....how do you like me now!? I used to be overweight. And I'm sure those Carne Asada fries after a long night of drinking contributed to that. Today from a size 13 (not that 13 is big but for my body frame it is) to a size 2! I started to eat healthy, exercise and really take care of my body. Those late night at the bars are now late nights brain storming on projects I'm working on to make my life more successful. My eyes aren't locked up with tears but locked up in a great book I'm reading to learn and better myself. All those negative gloom and doom thoughts are now positive thoughts with the direction to move forward. I'm happy! I never thought I would say those two words because I was in a constant search for it. And I thought happiness was in drink, in a man, in a obsession I created.

   Was it easy? NO! Was it worth it? Ohhhhhhh YEAH! I'm happy because I love me, and the fact that I love me I can now love! I can love you, love my pets, love people and LOVE LIFE!