There have been a couple of events this week that would usually steal my joy away but it didn't get to me. At first I was like, "Hmm, do I not care about these things that bothered me before?"
This is touchy because it deals with family. All this drama from the past, and I mean like 40 years ago, is affecting a family member of mine. Not to put them on the spot, but I'm sadden to see how this one person can be so angry at other individuals for all these years. It's insane! Year after year I hear the same story, "I don't like them because they did this to me and they did that to me." Makes you want to say, get over it! Right?
Years ago I would have agreed with this one family member. I would have said, "You are right, how could they have done that...you should never speak to them again."
Now the beauty of the past is it's just that, THE PAST, let it go! Whatever anyone has done to you in the past was nothing personal to you. It has nothing to do with you. They were what I call an "unaware" person that decided to do or say these things that has nothing to do with you! I know there are many things that happen that are not fair. Rape, being bullied, being used, being abused...it's all not fair! I get it. I have been through all of these things and many more "unfair" situations. But, the moment I became aware that all of these things that people did to me had nothing to do with me, I forgave myself and I learn to let go.
Forgiving yourself can be one of the most important things you do in your life. And after reading The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz (yes I'm a huge fan!) he states, "Forgiveness is an act of self-love." And I preach a lot on self-love because everything starts within you. You can not and I repeat, can not change anything in your life unless you start with you.
So if you've been out there getting into romantic relationships back to back, getting new hair-do's, changing the way you dress, calling your "booty calls" or worse calling the girls/guys you have to pay to satisfy that need, moving to the other side of the country looking for change and you still feel like there is something missing. Guess what? There is! YOU! You are missing. Until you learn that everything starts with you then you will go through life confused and unhappy. Until you learn to love you, you will always be lacking. When you forgive yourself for what happened in the past and forgive the people who have hurt you and did you wrong, will you then learn to let it go!
Now, I don't let things go easily. Guilty! I still have a jewelry box filled with movie stubs, rings, little nothings from the first guy I ever dated and had feelings for. Shoot I still have the rose petals a ex gave me in a vase displayed in my room. Did I display these things right after we broke up? HELLLL NO! Thank God it was out of my reach because I would of had a bonfire going! ha ha!
I can tell you one thing though, I forgave him and most importantly I forgave myself for whatever reason we didn't work out. Now I display the vase because of what it represents. It represents love to me. Now, if every time I look at the vase and would cry or want to throw it out the window and watch it shatter into little pieces then, that means I have not forgiven him or myself for the reason we broke up. And you know what's great? People ask me all the time "How come you guys didn't work out?". I tell them I don't remember (I really don't) and I don't care.
That is what happened then, we are living in the now and don't have too much control on what happens in the future. That being said why should I care about a silly break-up? Why should I care that someone bullied me and made me feel like the smallest person in the world? Why should I care someone who didn't know me try to harm me? Why should I care because of the bitterness one person had I was to blame? Have these events effected my life? Absolutely!
I was the victim and hated myself for all of these things. The world was against me and everyone should feel sorry for me. Until I became aware! Until I forgave each and every single person who hurt me and forgave myself. You may ask "how did you forgive the guy who raped you?". This is a really touchy subject and question but almost every girl or guy you come across that has been raped blame themselves. I blamed me the entire time! I forgave myself and I let it go. "But Diana how could you forgive your family and friends who abused you and did you wrong?" Easy, what they did to me had NOTHING to do with me. It was their own garbage (as Don Miguel Ruiz puts it) they were dealing with and it had nothing to do with me.
Forgiving myself has been made the most profound impact in my life. I do it daily. Practice makes perfect right? So I know I tend to talk about one thing then go into another thing but the bottom line is if you ever want to look at your ex-wife and not feel anger, if you ever want to think about your high school bully and not want to punch a wall, if you ever want to see a scar from a mistake that you made and not beat yourself up over and over again with guilt and shame, and if you ever want to experience true happiness within, you need to forgive yourself first off and forgive everyone else. Break those chains around your heart and learn to love, let go and be free. We were put on this earth to be happy. We deserve it and we are given the choice to be happy. Be happy! Let it go :)
P.S- I know not all of you agree with me and that's fine I love you anyway but if you want to know where I get these eye openers. I encourage you to read anything by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you're like me and you been through some things but want to turn your life around from the hell you been living in into heaven, just free yourself. Then, I highly encourage you to one, FORGIVE, when you do that you LET IT GO. Two, listen to that inner voice that's telling you to make a change in your life and three, pick up a book!
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